GrrrlRomeo

Paula Brooks AKA Bill Graber's Intentions

2011-06-17T04:18:00.001-04:00

I have a different perspective than some others who interacted with Paula Brooks aka Bill Graber. We didn't argue over gay issues directly, nor did we have any sort of personal relationship. We had a Twitter argument over health care reform, something I supported and he didn't. Now it all makes sense. He is a straight, white, 58 year old man and opposed health care reform for the same reason most older straight white men did: Medicare.

This is why straight men cannot assume the identity of a lesbian to argue for LGBT rights or Women's rights. When there was a chance Bill Graber might lose some straight male privilege in health care reform, he opposed it. I don't believe it was over the Stupak Amendment as he claimed, since by then most knew that the amendment would be taken out when the Senate and House bills were merged in reconciliation.

What I find absolutely galling is that Bill Graber claims he posed as lesbian and started a lesbian site with "the best of intentions" after seeing the mistreatment of his lesbian friends. So what about his mistreatment of lesbians? When I thought I was arguing with another lesbian, I just chalked it up to in-fighting over politics, classism and horizontal oppression that often plagues that LGBT community. Now it's obvious it was vertical.

During the course of our argument, I revealed that I was unemployed and without health care. Since we were arguing about the health care bill, it seemed relevant. It only made it worse as Graber mocked my situation. And then the Paula Brooks twitter account was phished. My guess is that he fell for the DM phishing attack that had been going around Twitter at the time. However, he accused me of hacking the account and he broadcasted it from the offical Lez Get Real account. He also called me a cunt and a dyke. Now, I do call myself a dyke, but if you're a straight guy, you don't get to call lesbians dykes they way he did.

My Mom, bless her, saw the tweets Paula Brooks had sent to me and sent an email telling Paula to back off. He was pretty awful to her too, because she doesn't back down either. I redacted her info from the emails as I didn't want her to be involved in the first place.

3 months later, I thought it had blown over and Paula had figured out I wasn't the one that fucked up the Twitter account. I didn't expect an apology. I just moved on. I replied to a post on Lez Get Real--something totally unrelated that came up in my Google news feed about Rachel Maddow breaking up with her partner, which I called bullshit on. Paula Brooks then banned me and started emailing me all over again saying I was some kind of hacker. He had started following me on FriendFeed and Google Buzz as well and did not seem to know how to take me off the damned mailing list.

At this point, I felt like I needed to go back and archive the tweets Paula Brooks sent to me just in case Paula followed through on the threat to feature me on Lez Get Real. I used Snap Bird, but unfortunately my tweets to @PaulaBrooks weren't archived because Twitter only saves so many tweets and I had tweeted a lot in the 3 months. I'm only posting these to show that what ever Bill Graber's intentions were, they were hardly the best. Believe me, I wish I could show you my side of the Twitter conversation.

Bill Graber called me a cunt and a dyke (and not in a friendly way). He tried to silence me and get me to shut the fuck up and used Lez Get Real to do it. I clearly rubbed him the wrong way, but only now realize it was for different reasons than I thought.

Tweets and Emails from Paula Brooks aka Bill Graber Pt. 1

Tweets and Emails from Paula Brooks aka Bill Graber Pt. 2

Tweets and Emails from Paula Brooks aka Bill Graber Pt. 2

2011-06-17T02:43:00.001-04:00

Tweets and Emails from Paula Brooks aka Bill Graber Pt. 1

2011-06-17T02:18:00.006-04:00

Lesbian Over 30, Out At 17, Never Been With a Guy

2010-07-18T08:57:00.001-04:00

I don't really feel the need wave my "Gold Star" status around like some medal. I don't really think it's important or defining. But it becomes important when people start characterizing it as a myth. That is, when lots of people saying because they have never personally met a lesbian that has never slept with a man, they must not exist. (Though I think some these women have only met 4 lesbians.)

So, I'm just here to say that I exist. Thank you.

And there's more!

I'm monogamous and I've never cheated. I'm over 30 and came out when I was 17. My sexuality has never been fluid.

It gets weirder.

I've been with my girlfriend for 13 years and she is the only person I have ever had sex with.

Yes, I had other opportunities. However I picked....wait for it...abstinence. Like on purpose. For reals.

There are two reasons why I chose this. The first is because it was the mid 90s, and the gay community was all about safe sex education and HIV prevention. I went to an LGBT youth group and learned all about how gays and lesbians practice safe sex. Guys have condoms. Girls have saran wrap, gloves and dental dams. It sounds like lesbians have sex at the dentist's office. Even though HIV among lesbians is among the lowest, given the insularity of the lesbian community, an epidemic could happen if certain conditions were present.

The second reason is, the girls I dated were a bit promiscuous and confused. For me, the moment I came out, everything was clear. So, I felt it would just be less complicated if I waited until I was dating someone who was sure of what she wanted. I didn't want to confuse someone more, or her confuse me. Sex complicates things. Unless, I guess, you're not very attached to the person you're having sex with. Which is just not something I'm into. For me, sex has always been about attachment, bonding and intimacy...that's the only reason I ever wanted to have it.

Oddly enough, I had sex with my girlfriend days after I met her. I spoken to her online for a year though. And then one date and that's all it took. Well, I never said I needed a contract before I had sex. Just something that wasn't casual experimentation. Because I never felt the need for experimentation. I just knew what I wanted and waited for it.

But still, being part of this community, of course I've seen many dating dramas. People dating their ex's ex and what not. It's exhausting just watching it.

And You Look Like One Too

2010-06-16T07:05:00.009-04:00

It's true, I've got flannel, hoodies and polo shirts; jeans and cargo pants; Chuck Taylors and Biker Boots. Sometimes I have a buzz cut.

Most of the time I'm wearing a baseball cap. This is what I'm comfortable in and I don't give a fuck if I look like every other lesbian. In fact, I like looking like every other lesbian. I like that people can tell I'm a dyke.

Yes, I listen to the Indigo Girls. I have every one of their albums including Amy Ray's solo albums. I also listen to Gossip, Ani Difranco, MEN and other predictably "lesbian music."

I like the words "dyke" and "queer." I'm a lefty, liberal, socialist, atheist, environmentalist.

And I am unashamed and unapologetic.

This post was made possible by yet another stupid lesbian forum thread about "lesbian stereotypes" which always seem to try to shame lesbians that fit "the stereotype."

Capital Pride Ladies Jello Wrestling

2010-06-11T19:35:00.002-04:00

Nothing says "Gay Pride" like ladies wrestling in Jello.

[via Washington Blade]

Friend BP Everywhere

2010-06-11T19:33:00.001-04:00

It seems like everywhere I go there's a BP ad. And they really, really want to be my friend.

But what kind of friend wants you to listen to them, but doesn't want to listen to you?

The same kind that asks you if they can tie their horse and llama up in your backyard as a favor, and then lets them shit all over it without cleaning it up. I already have such a "friend", BP. I don't need anymore.

Queer Music: Makin' Gay Babies

2010-04-28T21:06:00.001-04:00

Credit Card Babie$ by MEN

I love this song by MEN about the politics and money involved when gay people decide to have kids. It meets all my criteria for what makes an awesome song: it makes you move, makes you feel and makes you think.

"We want some options
There is a way
Why don't you adopt
Borrow someone's cock
Call up the bank
We all scream now

Is it really so hard to make a new heart
Sharing our love goes on a credit card
We put paper to pen and we ask all our friends
Big plans for a newborn gay creation"

Queer History - 1970: Butch Lesbian or Trans Man

2010-04-28T05:47:00.001-04:00

I like to hunt around the web for pieces of queer history. This is what I found today.

In a 1970 Dear Abby, a parent can't accept her lesbian daughter. But, it's unclear if the daughter is in a relationship with a butch woman or a transgender man.

"Recently our 21 year old daughter came to us and told us that she was in love with another girl with whom she had been living for the past year. She said her roommate felt herself to be a "man imprisoned in a woman's body," and was contemplating a "Christine Jorgensen" operation in reverse." -Baffled and Brokenhearted Mother, The Milwaukee Sentinel - Dec 19, 1970

Interestingly, the mother refers to the famous openly transsexual woman, Christine Jorgensen, who underwent sex reassignment surgery in 1952. It's again unclear if the mother doesn't know what the proper term is, or can't bring herself to say it. But it's obvious the only ones confused are the parents.

Christine Jorgenson in the Aug, 1970 issue of "GAY":

For more on the article above, see this page on Queer Music Heritage.

Rallying Around the Rainbow Flag

2010-04-24T19:04:00.001-04:00

The Advocate: Rainbow Flag Burning Investigation Continues

Being Too Queer-Oriented

2010-04-24T07:39:00.000-04:00

I am guilty of being too queer-oriented. I connect everything to being queer. I read queer news and queer blogs. I comment on them, and I talk about being queer. I tweet links to queer news, queer culture and queer activism. I listen to queercore and queer musicians. I pay attention to where legislation is in the system and how it's worded and how it affects queer people.

And I wonder, what's so wrong with that?

There are a lot of things that are of interest to me. I read the New York Times and the Washington Post. The cable news channel I watch the most is NorthWest Cable News. I like Sci-Fi, Fantasy Fiction, technology and comic books.

However, if all I ever tweeted or commented on or talked about was Sci-Fi, Fantasy Fiction, technology and comic books, people would just call me a geek. I am a geek. But I don't think I've ever heard of anyone being accused of being too geek-oriented. A geek is a geek because of the things that are of interest to them and the degree they are of interest to them.

Why is it okay to turn an interest into a trait, and to be defined by your interests as long as that interest isn't something inherent or immutable like sexual orientation, gender or race? Why do the traits which we have no apparent choice in need to be made insignificant? Perhaps since we have no choice in them, those without those traits don't want them to become special. Or perhaps people with those traits don't want to be defined by something which they have no control over.

White people, men, cisgender people and heterosexuals are already treated as special by virtue of being thought of as the default in our society. When those who are not the default are tricked into believing there's nothing special about being the alternative to the default, they stop rebelling.

I am queer-oriented because I am queer. Being queer is part of how I experience life. My experience has taught me about life, humanity, society, politics and community. I have learned to embrace the Absurd and to not turn away from things that appear to create contradictions. I have learned to not reject something that seems irrational just because it doesn't seem to fit into some box or category. Being queer has given me a perspective that I find valuable. And yes, it has given my life meaning and a sense of self. Because it was only upon reflection of myself that I even realized I am queer to begin with.

My life is my experience. I am who I am because of my experience. And most of my knowledge comes from my experience. I wouldn't be the same person if I weren't queer. I'm not going to apologize or feel guilty for that as there is nothing negative about it. So when someone says I am being too queer-oriented, I take that as saying I'm being too queer. If a straight person finds my queer focus alienating, then they know for a moment what it feels like to be alienated. It is, of course, better when straight people stop to think about what they have in common with a queer person and try to relate instead of immediately rejecting.

My experience is not a universal queer experience. No one's experience is universal. But in the end we're all connected in some way. It's important that we face the big stuff--the things that affect us all--together. And we only learn which things affect us all by sharing our experiences and finding the things we have in common. That's why it's important to share your experiences and reflections and learn about each other.